J-Scar (phoenix39) wrote in paralysissleep,
J-Scar
phoenix39
paralysissleep

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Happened again tonight.

The first time it happened to me was 10 years ago. I was fifteen. I was almost asleep, laying on my back and the first thing I noticed was that my heart rate had increased by infinity and then it felt like someone had placed invisible weight on my chest. I couldn't move, couldn't make a sound. I would finally wake up and try to go back to sleep and then it would happen again. I thought I was dying. And the sad part is that I was in such a bad place, that I didn't really care. I just rolled over onto my stomach and decided to sleep because I didn't want it to be long and drawn out. To my surprise, I woke up the next morning. Everything seemed fine after I had rolled onto my stomach.

I was doing some paranormal research a few years later and found a page called Sleep Paralysis and it was exactly what had happened to me. I was ecstatic to finally have an answer. It had a name. Other people experienced it. I was not alone in my life. It listed everything that had happened to me. Except some people claim to see a dark figure, a demon, a ghost, some entity by their bed, in their room, on top of them. Thankfully, I haven't experienced that part yet. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Though, it is theorized that SP is caused when a ghost (for a general term) is sitting on your chest or holding you down.

One of the websites said not to sleep on your back if it happens to you. It's a little different for everyone and some people have said that it happens to them no matter what position. For me, it's always happened on my back when I was almost asleep, so I have trained my subconscious. I do not sleep on my back. Ever. And it hasn't happened again. Only a few times. When I was sleeping on the couch and the only comfortable position was on my back, just a few minor episodes. The only big episode was the first one.

Until tonight.

Also, SP only happens in transition of a dream. According to my research I have not found anyone who has had it happen to them during their dream. Tonight, while going to sleep, I was a little scared because I had turned my laptop off and the light from the desktop usually comforts me and acts as my nightlight since I have scotophobia (fear of the dark). I decided to be a big girl tonight and face my fear. I'm safe. I'm in bed. I said the Our Father and I have a cross necklace on the window sill by my bed. I felt an evil presence in my room, but I chocked that up to my fear of darkness and I told myself that fear gives them power. So I kept praying, "Jesus Christ, deliver me from evil." I fell asleep.

I was having a dream about a f'ing ghost in the room. I was in someone else's room with a race care bed and the bed had been ruined a bit by the ghost to look like it had been in a collision. Then in the dream, the full fledged dream, I was laying on the bed and couldn't move. I tried to talk, could only move my lips a bit but couldn't make any noise. My heart rate again raced up to infinity. My heart has never raced this fast for anything else: not running, exercise, being in love, being scared, or anything in my normal everyday life makes my heart race this much. So I try to stay calm, breathe deep, and control my heart rate because people have f'ing died from sleep paralysis and I do not want to be another statistic. I woke up from my dream and I was laying on my stomach with my arm under my pillow. I was shocked that it had happened to me in a position other than on my back. I tried to make a noise, but nothing. My lips had only been moving in the dream. I tried to move my arm. Nothing. I don't know what changed. Just one minute, I was asleep and paralyzed, then half asleep and paralyzed, then totally awake and mobile. Once my brain finally woke up completely, I was able to move. I laid there, collecting myself. I wanted to go back to sleep, but couldn't. Because it would happen again. I turned the light on and went online. No one else, I have found, has had it start during their dream.

And for 10 years I've felt like I had beat it. Just avoid sleeping on my back and it doesn't happen. Now that it's happened to me on my stomach and during my dream, I feel like I can never go back to sleep. It can happen anytime. I'm not safe. I hate it so much. I wish there was a cure for it.

(not proof-read. Too tired.)
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